Episode 2 – “Preliminaries”

I take a big gulp of beer. Gotta calm down…not make a fool of myself.

“That’s the spirit, dude,” Ryan says. “Get feeling g-o-o-d! this is gonna be the best afternoon of your life!”

Even with the beer, I can’t stop obsessing. Know I’m gonna embarrass Ryan…look like a total dork…lose my best friend. Damn! I’m a nervous wreck!

Ryan turns to me. “Guess what? Nicole showed her friend your wrestling picture, and she thinks you’re sexy.”

“Seriously? Does she know how short I am?”

“No, but dude, nobody gives a shit about that except you. Come on, you’re in great shape…for a midget.” He cackles with delight. Loves his own fucking jokes.

I shake my head. “I hate you…you’re an asshole.”

“I love fucking with you. You’re so gullible.”

I give him a sidelong glance. Hope he’s kidding. When I look in the mirror, I actually see a miniature person. I’m in shape, true…and I win wrestling matches, but the kids I wrestle are like 110 pounds! I wonder if I’m ever gonna mature physically. I have, like, no body hair, and what I do have is blond and invisible, and okay, my linguine and meat balls are relatively normal, but my voice is just changing, and I can hardly get a normal sentence out. It’s up and down, pitchy and froggy…half the words get lost.

The experience with Willa was a revelation. I guess, with all the chatter on the train, I didn’t feel like anyone was really paying attention, so I didn’t give a shit. Normally, if I see a really hot girl, I totally clam up…hold the image in my head, and retreat to a stall in the bathroom…close my eyes and go for the gusto. Unfortunately, the kids are onto me…give me ungodly shit. Peek in, try to take pictures…It’s fucking horrible…plus, they announce it: “Quick, he’s doing it again…going fucking nuts in there. Hey, give it a rest, dude. You’ll wear it out!” Big fucking joke, and of course, it’s all over campus in seconds! Can’t believe Ryan’s still likes me.

Thankfully, the beer starts chilling me out and my mood changes. I feel relaxed enough to notice my surroundings which are pretty, fucking amazing. It’s lavish…plush rugs, ceiling-to-floor windows, glass tables…all sorts of awesome shit. I kick off my sneaks and let my toes sink into the carpet.

Ryan drains his brew and offers me another, which I accept, even though I’ve chugged two already. I’m pretty freaked about meeting the nympho, but convince myself she won’t arrive for hours. I’ll probably be passed out by then. Ryan and I are so buzzed the conversation rambles from school to sports to the Internet…and beyond! I get up to pee and feel like a bodiless head floating around…definitely more fucked up than I thought. How’ll I get through a date? All I want to do is sleep.

I glide back to my chair just as the doorman calls. My heart sinks. Not really sure I can handle a hot date. Figure maybe I should puke first.

Ryan drags me out of my chair. “Come on, dude. Be a gentleman.”

I get up carefully. Move slowly to avoid spastic moves. The elevator doors open and we’re standing face-to-face with Nicole and her friend. I’ve met Nicole a few times. She’s sexy, perky…wears funky clothes…wide-brimmed hats, embroidered hippie shirts, bell bottoms. Her friend is totally the opposite. Don’t know how I pictured a “nympho.” Guess I thought she’d be outgoing and flirty, but she’s totally the opposite…dark and mysterious, long black hair, pale skin…gives me a quick, cynical smile, like a fucking vampire! Wonder what she thinks of me…disappointed or what?

Nicole makes introductions. Her friend’s name is Gigi…she stands quietly, scans the room with big dark eyes…I’m totally intimidated.

Ryan kisses Nicole, leads her into the living room…and I’m left with Gigi. Think the concept is to take her hand and act suave, but I’m drunk and uncomfortable…feel out of place. Try to think of some cool line…worried every wasted minute ruins my chances. Fortunately, Ryan sees I’m floundering and bails me out. “Come on, guys. What’ll you have? Beer, wine, hard stuff?”

We get comfortable, Ryan takes drink orders…Gigi orders vodka on the rocks. Whoa, serious shit! Nicole turns to me. “Caleb…great to see you in the Bid Apple. What have you guys been up to?”

Kind of a weird question. I’m stumped…Ryan yells from the kitchen: “Drinking, shooting the shit, waiting for you guys.” I nod like a fucking puppet.

Ryan leans out. “Gigi, name your vodka: Grey Goose, Absolut, Ketel One?”

“Absolut’s my favorite…on the rocks with a twist. I prefer it to designer brands.”

Designer brands? What the fuck are they? I realize I’m over my head, but decide to go for the gusto. “Ryan, cancel my Amstel. I’ll have the same.”

She winks at me, squeezes my arm. “Good choice. So, how do you guys know each other?”

Finally a question I can answer. “We’re roommates at boarding school.”

She nods knowingly, works my arm like a squeeze ball. Turns to Nicole: “Tell me their deep, dark secrets.”

“Ryan and Caleb are jocks,” Nicole explains. “Ryan already plays varsity basketball, and Caleb’s a super wrestler.”

Gigi’s squeezing a mile a minute. “I can feel his muscles.”

“Caleb looks young, but he’s hard as a rock.”

“I bet,” Gigi says with a laugh, and Nicole giggles.

I blush…feel like a total jerk…am incredibly relieved to see Ryan appear with drinks. As he passes them out, Gigi turns to me. “So, Caleb, do you have a girlfriend?”

Willa pops into my head, but I say no. After all, I only met her once…not counting the call, but figure it’s too early to be loyal yet. Don’t want to fuck up the plans for the evening.

Nicole nods toward me: “Gigi, what do you think? He’s cute, right?”

“Very,” she purrs, still working my arm. Glances down at my cargoes and hairless leg. Shifts her hand to my thigh. Figure she’s gonna comment on my pasty complexion, but instead, she starts working her fingers in a way that sends quivers straight to my underwear. Ryan notices and smiles. He knows, in spite of everything, I’m horny as shit. Frankly, it’s pretty freaky having them watch me get seduced…or whatever’s happening. Almost wish I was a turtle and could pull into my shell. There’s something about Gigi that’s so persistent…like she’s not gonna stop until she gets what she wants, and factoring in the beer and everything, my resistance is gonzo.

So, I sit there with her rubbing, my friends watching, and my long, skinny dick getting harder and harder…bobbing in my cargoes. Holy fucking shit! Wish I was a turtle with a cozy place to hide. Get a sudden urge to retreat to the bathroom…get my shit together. Carefully detach Gigi’s hand, weave to the shitter. If I can’t hide in a shell, the bathroom’s a close second.

To be continued…. Read next episode!