Episode 5 – Joys and Surprises

So, we start drinking. Something I’ve never ever done in my life. Sure, I’ve had sips from Dad’s glass, but never hunkered down with no end in sight.

Azalea’s like my coach. Definitely wants to share everything, and I like it. Dad’s never around, so it feels really good. Like what I’m doing means something to somebody. “Whoa, don’t rush. Just enjoy it,” she keeps telling me. Obviously, getting a charge out of having me as a sidekick, trainee, or whatever I am.

Before I know it, we’re on our second beer…move to the crummy sofa, a real piece of shit. I’m afraid of the thing, because it looks infested. “Is this safe?” I ask.


“This sofa looks like a roach motel.”

She starts laughing hysterically…can’t stop. “Gus, you are s-o-o-o funny! You think I’d live with bugs?”

I shrug. “Not really.”

“Of course not. I’m not gonna contaminate you! I kill those fuckers!”

Suddenly, I realize I’m on pretty shaky ground. Gotta back track. “Shit, Azalea, I didn’t think that. You can’t help it…I mean…living in a dumpy house.”

She turns on me, and like shrieks: “You sayin’ my house is dumpy?”

I piss myself. The stupidest shit comes out of my mouth. She’s being really nice, and I’m totally tactless. “No, no, ” I reply. “I didn’t mean ‘dumpy’ like dirty or anything. I mean it’s, like…not been repaired in while, but if it was fixed up, it’d probably be cool.”

She stares straight at me. “Gus, this house’ll never be cool. It’s a total piece of shit!” Bursts out laughing. “I love getting you going. You’re so fucking gullible.”

I’m hugely relieved. “Whew!” I say. “I thought you were really mad.”

“No, silly.” She pats the cushion next to her. “Don’t sit so far away.”

We both move at the same time and bump each other. I’m like nervous we’re so close, but decide to go with it.

“This is better, Gussy,” she says. “You know what? I’m going to get you off the hook.”

“How do you mean?” I’m beginning to realize Azalea’s always two steps ahead of me.

“I’ll show you. What’s your home number?”

“What do you want that for?”

“Don’t ask so many questions. Just tell me.”

Reluctantly, I tell her and she punches it into her cell. “Watch this.” She listens…turns to me. “Answering machine.” Starts talking in a funny, deep voice. “Hello, Mr. Dodson. This is Irene Burdette. Today at school, Cornell made friends with my son, Will, and he’s joining us for dinner. They plan to study afterwards, so if it gets late, I’ll keep him here, and put them both on the bus in the morning. If that creates a problem, let me know. I look forward to meeting you very soon. Good night.”

She’s so convincing, I can’t believe it. “Wow, that was awesome!” I’m suddenly happy. Free as a bird. Don’t have to go home to a lonely house. Then, nervousness creeps in. What’s Azalea up to? Are we going to get polluted on beer, maybe drugs? And what does she expect? I’ve never done anything even remotely racy or anything…Dad always trusts me. I’m not sure if I’ve struck gold or sunk myself deep in shit.

Azalea smiles. Looks me in the eye. “Now you don’t have to say goodbye.”

“But, I don’t have any clothes or anything.” Realize that sounds totally pathetic.

“Your pants are fine,” she assures me, “and I’ll find a clean shirt.”

“Won’t that be a little weird?”

She looks at me quizzically. “Why?” I’m on the spot. It’s totally obvious, but I’m not about to say her breasts are big as watermelons, so I stumble around and finally ask: “Aren’t they girls’ shirts.”

She shakes her head. “Gus, you’re hopeless. I wasn’t thinking about my shirts. Some of Daddy’s stuff is still around.”

I laugh like a total moron. “I knew that.”

“Bullshit! Listen, Gussy, let’s have another beer and go to bed, okay?”

My jaw drops. Who does she think I am? Probably expects me to be totally cool…know about hooking up, but I’m freaked. Stare at her in sheer terror.

“Jeez, Gus, chill,” she says. “I’m not gonna rape you…just want company. Loneliness creeps me out.”

“Whew,” I’m incredibly relieved. Feel like I dodged a bullet. “Sure, no problem.” Could pretend I’m bummed, but decide not to push my luck. I’m totally inexperienced. Know my dick goes somewhere between her legs, but not sure exactly where. Fortunately, there’s Sex Ed on the Fall curriculum.

She slips her fingers in mine and pulls me off the sofa. “Don’t worry, Baby. It wouldn’t be right for us to go too fast. We hardly know each other.”

I nod like a total dork, but it’s nice holding her hand. It’s delicate and cool with small tapered fingers.

We walk the few steps to the bedroom…hardly more than a closet, no windows, faded pink walls. A single bed takes up half the space. The only other furnishings are a spindly table, a rusty goose-neck lamp and a crucifix on the wall. “Don’t let that scare you,” she says. “My mom’s religious.”

Suddenly, round two of fear sets in. We’re actually going to sleep together…for real! A million thoughts swirl at once…mostly about whether I’ll act dumb or immature, and whether my dick’s acceptable. Most guys act like penises are magic wands for attracting girls, but I have my doubts. On the web, it said guys from Ghana, or somewhere, have the biggest dicks in the world. Figure Azalea’s used to seeing humongous studs…but I’m just a pasty white kid!

To be continued…Read next episode!