Episode 1 – Off to School
I wake up at 6:30 thinking of Pee Wee Herman. The guy’s a total trip…I love him…the nasally voice, outrageous outfits, and screwy comments. I’d like to be him. Well, not jerking off in movies, but lots of other ways. Quirky, retro people are awesome…my role models. That’s why I dress like I do. True, I catch ungodly shit, but it makes me who I am. I never, ever, want to be invisible.
I jump out of bed. Check myself in the mirror…love my new boxers with colored balloons. Found them hiding on the sale rack at T.J.Max. Pat my stomach. No fat in sight. Thank god! It’s weird…I don’t mind other people being chubs like Chloe, but I don’t ever want to be that way. Wiggle my hips so my morning wood swings back and forth…penises are awesome. I love them…so I’m probably gay, especially because I love dressing up…and acting totally wild and outrageous. Planning outfits for the week kept me awake all night
Shit, I’m not really sure what I am. I have crushes on boys and girls, and at 16, you should have some idea, right? My bud, Benny, knows he’s gay and has an awesome boyfriend, Lou, but my other bud, Chip, likes girls, so I’m caught in between. Chloe’s my girl buddy and nobody knows what she is….except a lot of fun!
I run to the bathroom…beat my little sister, Ava, by a split second. She’s majorly pissed. “Hunter, don’t stay in there for hours, okay?” So, out of consideration, I take a long piss and don’t jerk off or anything. When I come out, she’s pleasantly surprised. “Wow! That was quick? I like your new boxers.”
“Cool, right? They were on sale.” Run back to my room to assemble my outfit. Lay everything on the bed and stand at the mirror putting one thing on at a time…it’s gotta be perfect. Mom says I’m “cute as a button,” and as I look at myself, maybe she’s right. My skin’s perfect. I’ve got blue eyes, a little pug nose, and a mouth that stretches across my entire face. When I smile, most people melt, except assholes like Max, Scott, Ben and Logan who give me unmerciful shit.
It’s May first, so I’m celebrating Spring: straw hat, sky blue shirt, plaid sleeveless sweater, blue pants and blue sneakers. I love blue…but yellow’s a close second. Blue’s the best color of all time, and almost everything I own is blue somewhere, even my pens. I hate black ink.
Realize I’m facing a challenge at school. On Friday, I announced I was going to preview my new Spring outfits, but didn’t realize Max and Scott were listening, so I’ll probably catch ungodly shit. I try to pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it’s scary sometimes. Thank god there are anti-bullying policies or I’d be pounded to oblivion. Read next episode!