TEEN ELF 2013

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teen_elfHere’s the first episode of our holiday offering, Teen Elf 2013. In this continuation of our annual holiday story, Marlo, Arne Twilber’s stepson, turns thirteen, and must follow Elfin tradition and seek a wife. His journey takes him deep into the mountains, where he meets a mysterious companion who leads him to the The Great Tumble, the closest Elfin community. At The Great Tumble, he makes a surprising discovery that changes his life forever. Follow Marlo on his mission to fulfill his Elfin destiny!
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THE RING

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Two Teenage Boys with Beer BottlesThe Ring

Caleb Dawson is a country boy from upstate New York. During Summer vacation, he and his best friend plot an illicit trip to the City, but a journey of romantic exploration turns into more than Caleb ever imagined, and in the process, he learns some unsettling lessons about himself.
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Argento’s Envy

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Argento’s Envy

I’d have one of them tongue piercings, sure
With that cool silver ball—if I was twenty
When I spy the smooth grey nub of metal pleasure
I imagine it must stimulate folks plenty

I delight in how denuded cheek-pinch lewd
A silver bullet can so brazenly present
The story of sexual ardor, or King of the Jews
Minutely written in its hoary flagrance

I stare with bald desire at what time can’t assuage
This cybernetic tripwire so sequestered
My Bohemian longing unbecoming of this stage
By smoke and whiskey, tongue forever blistered

—Joanie Fritz Zosike
New York, December 30, 2011

The Road Much Traveled

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I went to Atlanta to try and find Santa
He’d flown to Bhopal to hang out with RuPaul
Without further delay I set course for Cathay
Meanwhile in Dubai, the Dow goes awry
But since I’m a taxpayer in nearby Eritrea
I go for a prance in striped pants off to France
Wind up on an altar in the Strait of Gibralter
I toss a used gun and fly back to Houston
Pick up a gas can as I race through Iran
It’s too nuts in Jordan to find an accordion
So I buy a brassiere in exotic Kashmir
Old London looks good, it’s my fave neighborhood
And it sure beats Myanmar if you’re buying a sitar
Sweet New Orleans beckons for a couple of seconds
And I eat pecan pie, oh, let’s say, in Ohio
I get somewhat whorey approaching Pretoria
The march strains my neck, I detour to Quebec
By way of Romania, despite all the pain…yeah
Should see the Sahara with my friend, MacNamara
Though I hear bands are zanier in mad Transylvania
Get my butt wrecked in Utrecht, which I find highly suspect
Why, in Vienna, can I not find some henna
When I travel to Warsaw, I could never have foresaw
There’s so much to do in Kublai Khan’s Xanadu
Well, it beats going bonkers in the city of Yonkers
End up rocking the Casbah in spicy Zanzibar

What? No moral? No plot? This could get me shot
For crimes of ubiquity veiled thinly from A to Z
In a way, it’s pathetic, but at least…alphabetic
Imagine the bog if ya’all was chronological
Please spare me the schism of your algorithm
It’s best, when you travel, to let the path unravel
You don’t need a pin code when you’re out on the road

-—Joanie Fritz Zosike

Snappy Takes a Hairpin Turn

posted in: Featured, One Act Play | 0


A young man sits in a doorway on the street. He is thin and disheveled.
He huddles in a shabby jean jacket. In front of him is a sign, poorly
lettered:

ASHAMED AND EMBARRASSED. HOMELESS AND HAVE AIDS.
PLEASE HELP ME.

Another young man, SNAPPY, walks past the young man in the
doorway. He is healthy and vibrant, the epitome of gay well being. He
wears a GMHC tote bag slung over his head and shoulder, and a huge
rainbow button pinned to the bag.

SNAPPY stops dead in his tracks and turns back to look back at the
seated, shivering young man, HAPPY.

Snappy:
(Aside) It can’t be.
Happy:
(Aside) Can it be?
Snappy:
(Aside, angrily) It shouldn’t be.
Happy:
(Aside) Could it be?
Snappy:
It’s embarrassing.
SNAPPY walks away, proceeds to make a cell phone call.
Happy:
(Aside) Well, that was embarrassing.
Snappy:
(Into cell phone) Hi, who is this? Let me speak with
Charles.
Happy:
(Aside) Guess it can’t be.
Snappy:
(Into cell phone) Charles…I’m on 14th Street and there’s
a guy panhandling on the sidewalk with a sign in front
of him saying…
SNAPPY turns slightly upstage and continues his conversation, his
voice muffled.
Happy:
(Aside, incredulously) He can’t be calling the cops on
me. Man, he’s got no shame.
Snappy:
(Turning downstage, audible again, into cell) Send a car

around. I’ll wait here to make sure he doesn’t get away.
Roger that.
Happy:
(Aside) Oh my God, he did call the cops!
Snappy:
(Aside) Better stall him before he bolts. (Strolls up to
HAPPY and stops with his crotch at eye level ) Hey,
buddy, where do you live?
Happy:
(Aside) Oh my God, what a basket! (To SNAPPY) Right
here on 14th Street.
Snappy:
Have you got an address?
Happy:
On this lime slice of a sidewalk.
Snappy:
Very poetic. But you’re not supposed to sleep on the
sidewalk.
Happy:
(Aside) Here it comes.
Snappy:
(Aside) He’s really cute in a skanky sort of way. (With
curiosity) How do you eat?
Happy:
Basically, I put food in my mouth, chew and swallow.
Just like anybody else.
Snappy:
Ha-ha. You don’t dumpster dive, do you?
Happy:
Hell no, that’s some nasty shit.
Snappy:
(Aside) Greasy and grimy.
Happy:
Much to my chagrine, I beg.
Snappy:
(Aside) And he won’t put up much of a fight. (To HAPPY)
I noticed your sign.
Happy:
Sucks, huh?
Snappy:
And not in a good way.
Happy:
(Eyeing him with interest) You said it. (To SNAPPY) Say,
would you have the time to…
SNAPPY turns away abruptly, takes his cell phone from its holster.
Looks at his watch.
Snappy:
It’s on vibrate. (Stepping away) Excuse me.
Happy:
(Aside) I wonder if he’s under cover. I wonder how he
is under the covers.
Snappy:
(Into phone) All right! Hurry up!
Happy:
I thought you’d be much…longer.
Snappy:
Sorry for the interruption. So…why are you on the

street, anyway?
Happy:
Like it says on the sign, I’ve got AIDS.
Happy:
(Aside) This is all wrong. (To SNAPPY) I noticed your
GMHC bag. And the button. Very good, if a bit
overstated.
Snappy:
Excuse me?
Happy:
You’re vice, right?
Snappy:
Huh?!
Happy:
Well, forget it. I’m not going to proposition you, so you
can just move on.
Snappy:
If I’m the heat, shouldn’t I say that to you?
Happy:
(Laughs) Though it has crossed my mind to come on to
you. (In Dracula voice) I vant to suck your…
Snappy:
Come on, dude. (Offering his arm) May I accompany
you across the street?
Happy:
My, aren’t you the gentleman!
Snappy:
You overestimate me.
HAPPY struggles feebly.
Snappy:
I’m not a cop!
Happy:
(Stops struggling) Too bad. Some of my best fantasies
are cops.
Snappy:
(Helping HAPPY to his feet) Cut the crap.
Happy:
They cut out housing for PWAs on welfare.
Snappy:
Not yet. We’re fighting it.
Happy:
The sons of bitches are gonna. So I beat them to it. I
moved out of their crappy lodgings.
Snappy:
(Aside) Where the hell is that car?!
Happy:
I’ve got my gay pride, you know.
Snappy:
Your sign says you’re ashamed and embarrassed. Do
you really even have AIDS?
Happy:
You fucking ass! You don’t have a clue. And what the
hell kind of “car” are you talking about? You sure it’s
not a squad car?
Snappy:
(Benevolently) My limo.
Happy:
Your limo! Just where do you think you’re taking me in

your homo limo, Prince Charming? Sign wasn’t lying.
That’s AIDS, A-I-D-S, AIDS.
Snappy:
I believe you. Don’t feel so sorry for yourself. I’m
positive, too.
Happy:
Aw, damn! Sure?
Snappy:
I’d like to help you. Think of it as becoming more
positive.
Happy:
(Sings) Baby, you can drive my car…
Snappy:
You think I’m bullshitting?
Happy:
Frankly, Scarlet…
Snappy:
Look. I just want to help. I’m rich.
Happy:
That don’t mean I want to be your bitch.
Snappy:
You are a pain! (Looking off stage) Finally! There he
is…Charles, over here.
SNAPPY momentarily walks off stage and makes a phony screeching
brake sound.
Snappy:
(Shouting from backstage) Just park across the street.
Be right there. (Walks back on. To HAPPY)
Well…coming?
Happy:
Almost. Wow! Rich, gay and positive! I’m swooning.
Snappy:
Fuck it. I can’t wait any more!
SNAPPY runs off. HAPPY starts humping the ground. BLACKOUT.
Sounds of two men climaxing. LIGHTS SNAP BACK UP.
Happy:
Oh, baby, that was mad!
Snappy:
(Comes back on stage, zipping up his pants) You make
me crazy!
Happy:
Just want to keep you happy, baby.
Snappy:
(Slipping him cash) See you tomorrow, then?
Happy:
Sure. Got no place else to go.
Lights fade down as SNAPPY walks off.